Stylix Vision

stylix @ 2009-12-24T04:35:00

2009-12-24T09:35:50Z

ho ho ho

stylix @ 2009-06-23T02:30:00

2009-06-23T06:30:36Z

25 man hard mode steelbreaker down, and without exploiting

stylix @ 2009-05-08T13:42:00

2009-05-08T17:42:12Z

Talkin' pringles can

stylix @ 2009-03-14T07:11:00

2009-03-14T11:12:03Z

I play wow too much, but as a result I have an awesome warlock. got turning tide today and sadly that makes me happy. my stats are just -in your face- high now.

stylix @ 2009-02-21T19:12:00

2009-02-22T00:12:12Z

the blues

stylix @ 2008-12-22T05:10:00

2008-12-22T10:27:21Z

A couple of nights ago, some jerk(s) decided it would be a great idea to break into my car.... The damage done to the window and items stolen is going to cost me about 400 bucks to replace.

All this inconvenience to me and here is what they decided to steal:

-My GPS cradle
-My GPS charger
-My GPS radio tuner
-Multi plug for my GPS

Seriously... WTF?!

Why would you steal a bunch of shit out of a car that you can't even use WITHOUT THE ACTUAL GPS? This stuff isn't exactly universal. It of no use to anyone unless they have a matching rx5915, which is unlikely seeing as how this model is pushing 2 years of age. These particular items might fetch them a grand total of 5 or 10 bucks from a pawn shop..... Who steals a proprietary fucking plastic cradle, I mean seriously?

The chargers and such were sitting on a pile of about 20 bucks worth in quarters, but they didn't take a single coin. They did, however, attempt to steal my radio but failed hard at removing it.

So yeah, now I get to spend my nights in bed being all paranoid about the safety of my vehicle, wondering if my neighborhood is going to shit. As if I don't have enough financial problems already for the medical BS... now I have to deal with replacing shit.

2008 just seems to be a year of curve balls for me. The worst part is, I really don't know how to vent my frustrations so more stuff just keeps getting bottled up.... Just so fed up right now.

Computer issues, need help

2008-11-24T18:18:49Z

Recently Ive been having problems with my laptop, specifically booting it up. What happens is the screen remains black/off completely, the cd-rom starts to spin and all the lights come on. A few seconds after this all the lights black out, the fan shuts down and the computer makes a noise like it was rebooted. The screen never turns on and the computer just hangs at this point. Therefore I cant even get into the bios to mess with settings and since its an HP computer it has no recovery discs (they decided it would be smarter to put all the recovery stuff on its own hard drive petition.

So the only way I can get to any screens or boot settings is to start the computer as a DVD player. For some reason that works without a hitch. However, you cant get to windows when its in DVD mode. Sometimes after starting it as a DVD player and resetting the boot options will allow me to start the computer.

So anyway, I am not extremely hardware smart and I am really desperate to get this fixed. I have not tried formatting the computer yet, I plan to do that in a few days, but Im not certain it will help as it seems like its a booting problem.

stylix @ 2008-11-07T09:20:00

2008-11-07T14:35:40Z

I had one of the most disturbing dreams Ive had in a long time. Although it was only likely a few minutes long, it felt like an eternity in my mind. It was the end of days for existence as we know it. I don't simply mean human life, I mean everything. I watched as the planet grew cold, as more and more life vanished. I saw green fields turn brown, I saw lush water go dry, I saw bright skies go dark. Eventually the remaining people came to realize what was going to happen and prepared to say goodbye to one another. Loved ones huddled close as the last of that which still remained shriveled up. The sandy dirt dried so much that it became black ash. The air kept getting thinner until there was nothing left... and slowly the ground beneath our feet turned into a thin husk of a blackened shell. Unable to support any more weight it finally cracked away, revealing a deep black nothingness below. There was no more oxygen to breath, no flooring to stand on, no light to see. I became lightheaded and watched as my body and everyone around me started to come apart, our very cells becoming unglued.

We turned to dust, our remains drifting in the black "air" spreading further and further apart into the vast dead space.

I was immediately jolted from my sleep and felt almost sick. A dream so vivid, graphic, and horrific, yet the people in it did not panic. They only cried and accepted what was going on, like it was suppose to happen. I had to get out of bed for a couple of hours after this dream to get it out of my mind, I was afraid to go back to sleep.

stylix @ 2008-11-02T05:38:00

2008-11-02T10:57:13Z

oh man, halloween was a bit brutal for me. For some reason my body decided it wanted to be a total bitch and hurt all day and night. I felt like I was bruised all over and had no energy either. Decided to just crawl into bed and sleep it off. I have no clue why I started feeling like this, but it isnt the first time its happened lately so Im assuming its just a side effect of medications.

Ill admit, it had me scared when it first happened cause all I was thinking was, "oh shit, something isnt right..." but I think a lot of it is just my body being too soft from the near year of being stuck resting. I guess I should just start slow and work my way back into strength. I cant expect to feel normal over night.

stylix @ 2008-10-30T22:09:00

2008-10-31T02:19:57Z

Ive been so incredibly bored this week that Ive barely gotten out of bed. Ive found out one thing, sleeping so much does not make your body feel good. I feel weak and shitty now and have very little energy. Its not so much that I dont want to get up and out and do things, its that I have had a serious lack of motivation. Its hard to explain really. I feel like Im in some kind of mental limbo, I want o be around people but I have absolutely nothing to bring to the table and the last thing I want to do is put people in a state of awkwardness cause I have nothing to talk about.

One of the last times I got out and had fun was when I went to see kung fu panda with a group of friends. Id like to get out and do more like that. Now that Im not stuck on a special diet anymore I should be find to go out for a drink or two also (just cant over do it.)

So tell you what. Rather than sit here and write some cry me a river entry, Im proposing that we, and by we I mean anyone interested, have a small little meetup in the next few days, maybe get a bite to eat or go out for a drink, possible catch a movie or shoot some pool or something. I badly need to get out of my house before I get stuck in my dreams from sleeping too much.

I dont want to jinx anything, but it appears that Ive beaten my cancer and I should be happy and out celebrating, not laying in bed all day trying to sleep away the hours.

stylix @ 2008-10-27T07:08:00

2008-10-27T11:15:11Z

the line comes out later this afternoon. Im nervous and havent slept in over 30 hours though. hopefully I can get to sleep when I finally get back home, though sleeping in the afternoon is only going to fuck my sleep schedule up even more. having this line removed its something Ive been looking forward to since they put it in back in February, but it also means that I have more needle poking in my future since the painless line will be gone.

so thats it... once this comes out and my hair starts to grow back, Ill be normal again more or less. I still have pills I have to take on the weekends, and small doses of chemo ever 28 days for the next two years, but otherwise Im done.

I should be happy but Im pretty nervous and scared. I think my fear mostly has to do with the fact that I just turned 28 last month and I still want to live like Im 21 or younger. I know that I want to get in shape, but I have no idea what my future holds and I dont like the idea of wasting any more time not living it up... but where do I even start?

stylix @ 2008-10-18T09:51:00

2008-10-18T13:53:24Z

I thought after all these chemos were done that Id be finished with long hospital stays, but I was mistaken. Im stuck here right now because Im in need of a blood transfusion. This is the second time this week I've needed one. I guess that last round of chemo really wiped me out. At least Im not going to be here for several days though, just several hours.

stylix @ 2008-10-12T04:05:00

2008-10-12T08:08:31Z

Finally been working on some new art. Nothing xrated but put behind an LJ cut for your consideration.

stylix @ 2008-10-10T04:38:00

2008-10-10T08:45:19Z

I stopped watching animes a long time ago but recently decided to netflix a series called Witchblade. I only wish someone had told me about it sooner. I mean its still got the ridiculous japan-anime elements to it of course, but not as overbearing as most at least in my opinion (which is partly why I stopped watching them.) The plot hasn't been totally predictable and actually suprised me a few times. Also I like the fact that while they choose to use a lot of gratuitous cleavage and butt shots, they don't go too overboard with sexual stuff.

Overall Ive enjoyed it and its not left that regretful taste in my mouth that most others usually do. Seriously doubt this will get me back into anime, but its nice to have found something Im enjoying to watch rather than waiting to get it over with so I can ship it back.

stylix @ 2008-10-06T23:33:00

2008-10-07T03:50:56Z

So I finally finished my 8th treatment and my 16th lumbar puncture. All thats left now is recovery and 2 years of maintenance treatment. Should feel good, should feel relieved, right? Well to some degree I do, but I also am starting to question what kind of future I can expect for myself, how likely I am to get ill again and such.

This started the second day of my last treatment when a nurse gave me a paper for an organization that is basically "Make a wish" for terminal people over the age of 18. Should I expect to die in my prime? Was this given to me mistakenly, or am I terminal even though I'm in remission? I know what I've suffered can be deadly, and I also know there are no guarantees in life cept for the unavoidable final day.

Admittedly, the idea of having a free wish is pretty enticing, but the whole thing creeps me out, and the idea of going through more of the hell I've experienced this year scares me. I dont like to think that my future and death may involve me spending days undergoing painful treatments until they no longer work.

Perhaps Im thinking too much about it... I mean I havent even bothered to check it out yet. For all I know they might review me and say "NO, fuck you, you're not dieing anymore" or perhaps I might get something I've always wanted (which I honestly cant think of any wishes right now.) Either way, Im not comfortable with the term terminal being close to me.

stylix @ 2008-09-26T11:05:00

2008-09-26T15:09:18Z

I -should- be in the hospital today starting my final treatment as my counts came back high enough this time, but I asked to put it off til monday. Not that Im a huge fan of getting older, but today is my birthday. Really have no plans, but the idea of spending my birthday in a hospital bed was very unappealing to me.

This day marks my 28th year.

hook a brotha up

2008-09-22T12:50:34Z

if anyone has any pepsi points they dont want to use, can you hook me up with the codes?

stylix @ 2008-09-08T12:53:00

2008-09-08T16:55:22Z

never mind... they did a blood test and my platelets were too low for a treatment so I wont be admitted until the 17th now. I am glad to be back home soon, but I still have to go back next week.

stylix @ 2008-09-08T09:58:00

2008-09-08T13:59:47Z

back in the hospital again, this time for my final round of chemo.... after this Ill no longer need to stay in the hospital unless I get a bad fever between now and when my counts start to recover again. Hopefully this will be a quick stay for me and I can get back home, recover, then get back to my normal life again. BTW the newest metallica album, death magnet, actually isnt all that bad.

stylix @ 2008-09-02T21:13:00

2008-09-03T01:13:42Z

I keep having dreams that I have hair, then I wake up sad.

stylix @ 2008-08-19T03:27:00

2008-08-19T07:41:58Z

so Ive been really depressed lately, and I finally figured out why. I don't excel in anything Im capable of, and thus drags my confidence levels even further through the mud. Before the cancer, I at least was able to work and fool myself into thinking that I was somewhat successful. Now all I have is free time to reflect on all the stuff I wish I was better at, but always seem to hit the ceiling when I try. To top things off, I spend the majority of my time alone, the only social outlet being world of warcraft which is failing me now. I have so little to talk about anymore too, that hanging out with friends is tough because I really have no descent conversation to offer. nothing more than rehashed old jokes that probably need to be let go of by now.

There is only one thing that Im good at these days, and thats playing doom... but this is not 1994 so this helps me in no way shape or form.

seriously though, if I dont find something to make me feel capable, confident, and useful, I dont know what will happen next. I miss happiness and I dont know were to find it anymore.

stylix @ 2008-08-11T16:30:00

2008-08-11T20:35:07Z

done with my 7th round of chemo now. Feeling really shitty though but thats expected. Heres something strange though, between the time I went in last week, and got home yesterday I somehow put on 8 pounds. I think its probably just from being pumped with so many fluids though because I hardly ate anything while I was there. Damn I am tired! It is weird how I can go from total insomnia to fall asleep any time I close my eyes after these treatments.

It may be 4:30 in the afternoon, but I think Im going to crawl back into bed again. I thought I was a bit more awake now but I guess Im not yet.

stylix @ 2008-08-07T21:39:00

2008-08-08T01:40:49Z

been drugged up all day at the hospital. I slept from 2:30ish last night until 9pm today, making up here and there for various shots and examinations, as well as more medications. I feel really weak and groggy now.

stylix @ 2008-08-06T16:01:00

2008-08-06T20:11:20Z

I finally got myself a copy of wii fit last week. Been having a lot of fun with it. The first day I got it, my wii age was 45 which was not totally unexpected to me. After having played if daily for a week, I've managed to get more coordinated with the interface and various games/exercises. Now my age is down to 30. Looks like I need to drop some weight too, which also was not something unknown to me but wii fit just confirmed it. Gave myself a 2 month goal and I figure if I play with it every day I should at least feel better. Im not so concerned about my weight at this time, more focused on improving my stamina.

Also got my warlock, Caramelgedon, to level 70 finally and Ive been focusing on pvp. Running on a 2's team with a resto druid whom I leveled with. I don't really get as many killing blows in the battlegrounds as I do with my rogue, but I do massive DPS and keep targets busy from completing objectives. It's a pretty fun class, more fun than I had thought it would be.

So lately games have been consuming most of my time. Kinda pathetic I suppose, but I dont really have a lot going on these days.

stylix @ 2008-08-06T10:24:00

2008-08-06T14:47:50Z

Round 7 starts today... which means Im back in the hospital for another week once again. The good news is, I only have 8 rounds total so hopefully these will be the last two times for me to have to stay here. Also means I should be growing hair again too (after the last round of course.) I will admit though, Ive started to grow accustomed to the bald look. Its very low maintenance and I don't have to deal with getting hair cuts every few weeks. It's been almost a year since my last hair cut, as some of you may remember I was attempting to grow my hair out a bit before all this crap happened.

Also means Ill probably be able to return to work before too long. I just hope I can find something better than a fast food gig, being that the job market is total shit right now. I don't know rather or not if I can return to my last job, Im sure they have filled my position long ago, but if possible I'd like to pursue something more career oriented. I did like my job (even if I bitched about it a lot) but the pay really wasn't high enough to live off of... unless I moved to some ghetto and denied myself all forms of entertainment including internet access. Not something I need to worry about immediately, but it's going to be something to deal with in 2-4 months most likely.