so Ive been really depressed lately, and I finally figured out why. I don't excel in anything Im capable of, and thus drags my confidence levels even further through the mud. Before the cancer, I at least was able to work and fool myself into thinking that I was somewhat successful. Now all I have is free time to reflect on all the stuff I wish I was better at, but always seem to hit the ceiling when I try. To top things off, I spend the majority of my time alone, the only social outlet being world of warcraft which is failing me now. I have so little to talk about anymore too, that hanging out with friends is tough because I really have no descent conversation to offer. nothing more than rehashed old jokes that probably need to be let go of by now.

There is only one thing that Im good at these days, and thats playing doom... but this is not 1994 so this helps me in no way shape or form.

seriously though, if I dont find something to make me feel capable, confident, and useful, I dont know what will happen next. I miss happiness and I dont know were to find it anymore.