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Jul. 18th, 2008 @ 09:37 pm
Just about fully recovered the computer now. Only a few more updates on programs to deal with, and a few programs to download.

Bad news now is no longer my computer's health to deal with, its my health. I had to spend 9 hours at the cancer center today getting chest xrays, blood cultures done, injected with antibiotics, injected with units of blood and platelets, and drugged up.

I've had very weak immune system and my blood counts are still dropping since my last treatment. This is all normal, but the bad news is I've been running low grade fevers. If I spike anything at or above 100.4, Im going to be spending my weekend (or longer) back in the hospital again.

Been checking it, and this evening I've been hovering around 99.6 :(

Jul. 18th, 2008 @ 04:11 am
Okay, so I hate to ask this but does anyone have the crack (trial to full) file for photoshop CS2? somehow the crack file on my CD has become inaccessible (and Ive tried it on both computers)

No photoshop basically means no art :(

I know I should pay for a clean version, but Im not using it to make any money and well, Im pretty broke anyway.

If it makes you feel any better, my vector program I use to do my characters is all legit :)

Jul. 18th, 2008 @ 03:15 am
still in the process of reinstalling everything, but I finally got my computer back to nearly normal without losing too many files.

This is still really annoying, and when I look online for help with the issue I got to avoid it, all I find are tons and tons of forum boards of people posting asking the same question and no one ever giving an answer other than complete reformat.

So things are looking up BUT my internet connection has been total shit all day too. It keeps cutting off for no reason and requires me to constantly restart the router and modem. Windstream is not a very good service. This isnt the first time Ive had this problem.

Jul. 17th, 2008 @ 09:43 pm
what a great evening this is turning out to be. First my computer decides that its going to give me this error message "interactive logon process initialization has failed" every time I attempt to reboot in any shape or form. *Which has no solutions online other than completely reformatting your machine, no safe mode does not work either*

Then while Im attempting to run HP's shitty backup program, one of my external hard drives stops doing anything but making a really really quiet click sound every second... which most likely means its dead.

The only good news is there wasn't really much on that drive that I don't have backed up elsewhere... though Im sure Im going to be looking for something in a few months and be like "wtf, where's that file?" and then realize it was only on that drive.

All this after a full day of attempting to sleep off a fever, as any fever over 100.4 right now is considered an emergency by the hospital since my immunities are still very low.... and I really didn't feel like spending another day in the hospital, sitting around waiting for test results and have drugs crammed into me.

Im so distraught right now, someone make it all better please.

UPDATE: The hard drive is okay, seems the power supply to it is what went bad, so I wont lose that data at least. Ya!

Now if I could just find a way to back up my file on my main computer without using the Recovery Manager... that tool is so dumb, it gives you the option of what type of files (not extensions mind you) like pictures, videos, internet favorites to choose from.. Then it decides to back up just about every file on your computer without giving the user any trees to select folders and such. So its been running for about.. ohh an hour now and is only at 1%

Jul. 17th, 2008 @ 11:51 am
Having cancer obviously sucks, but its funny how its toughened me up to a lot of things. For example, I still don't particularly like the sight of my own blood, but 7 months ago a simple blood test was enough to get me worked up because I hated having a needle stuck in me. Now, not that I enjoy it, I get shots in my spine and such on a regular basis and just brush it off as if were something that everyone would consider 'no big deal'. Although I do still enjoy bitching about them.

Also, I worry a lot less now than I use to, at least about health. I guess I've learned that life is uncertain and worrying about it is not going to control any aspect of it, it is only going to waste time. What happens happens. That doesn't mean I've become totally worry free, but I have been at peace a lot more.
Other entries
» (No Subject)
So I found something that helps me sleep. Unfortunately, this is not something that I prefer to use as it could cause an addiction.

Two nights ago I was so beat and exhausted that all I felt like doing was getting in bed to sleep. However, there is no sleep when I have insomnia. Also due to a hard day full of fun treatments at the clinic and all the lack of sleep I had a killer headache. Due to my condition and medications, the only pain pills I'm allowed to take at the moment are morphine. So I popped 2 of them and within an hour I was peacefully asleep. I still woke up several times during the night, but I actually slept about 8 or 9 hours.

Obviously this isn't a good way to get sleep, but maybe now that I broke the cycle of days with insomnia, I can start getting to sleep again. Last night was a bit rough, but I probably got at least 7 hours of sleep without taking anything.
Jul. 17th, 2008 @ 11:37 am
» (No Subject)
A question about our senses

Eye contact is visual, but also a bit intimate in its own way, how many people consider it touch more than sight?
Jul. 16th, 2008 @ 10:00 pm
» HEY AMERICA!
If you want to solve the economy problem you can start by LEARNING HOW TO STOP HAVING UNPROTECTED SEX AND MAKING 400 CHILDREN!

Seriously, there are too many trashy people out there inflating our population with kids they don't even want. Then typically those kids grow up to become just as, if not more, trashy than their parents. Although, you do get the occasional flower that grows out of the dirt it was planted in, but we don't need 5000 acres of dirt to make one pretty flower.

Unfortunately this will always happen and spread, just like a virus. I know its certainly not the only problem causing our economy to be shit, but if we could just somehow slash the population in half we would have a lot of resources freed up.
Jul. 16th, 2008 @ 12:56 pm
» (No Subject)
I love it when something from /b/ makes it on the news. The news casters are so ignorant to the source but continue to talk about it like they know exactly what it is. Its things like this that make me not watch the news anymore or take anything they say very serious.

I love the irony here. The fact that this woman automatically assumes this is racist, makes her racist. Its not like it had a big red slash through the man. If this meme had a white guy in front of it, everyone that has no idea what its from would have just assumed the pool was closed to everyone.

I guess now the pool's closed due to aids and floating racism.


Jul. 15th, 2008 @ 11:35 pm
» (No Subject)
Wake up Late - can
Wake up Early - can
Stay up Late - can
Stay up Early - can't

Where's the logic?

But somewhat related...

I seem to have developed a bad case of insomnia over the past month. Tired all day, wired all night. Sleep comes for about 15 - 30 minutes at a time, then I'm awake for another couple of hours. It has gotten so bad that even sleep meds don't help. I've tried simple things like benadryl. Only makes me groggy. I've also tried tylenol pm, and when it didn't work I doubled the dose. Still no success. Even ambien is failing me. About all it does is make me feel like I smoked a weak joint, and cause me to sleep for about 30 minutes to possible 1 hour if Im lucky, then wake up feeling very sore.

I have even tried just staying up all night and getting to bed early the following night. All that happens there is I feel really bad all day, then as soon as the sun goes down my eyes won't close. I know that part of the problem is I lay in my bed and constantly think about stuff, nothing in particular, but my mind just won't relax. Typically when I'm able to go to sleep, my mind will skip from thought to though of totally surreal, nonsensical garbage until I drift off entirely. Here lately, I have not been graced with those thoughts, instead I start thinking about something I did during the day, something I want to do tomorrow, something I should have done, and so on... and I just can't stop thinking.

I'm totally exhausted, but my brain acts like someone injected it with speed. If anyone else out there has suffered insomnia like this, I'd appreciate any advice, because everything that I've thought to do so far hasn't worked very well. I wasn't so concerned when I was still managing to get at least 5 hours of sleep, but in the past 3 days I have slept for about 2.5 maybe 3.5 hours total AND STILL CAN'T SLEEP when I get in bed.

I realize that my cancer treatments may have something to do with it, but this is ridiculous.
Jul. 15th, 2008 @ 07:31 am
» (No Subject)
Alright, now Im pissed. I got a legit order in for a wii fit at 8am est yesterday through toys r us... through the day they sold 5 more units. Therefore I would think that since I had my order in first, I should have had priority over those later orders. Today I get an email saying they canceled and refunded my order because they are currently out of stock.

Thanks for wasting my time.
Jul. 8th, 2008 @ 10:39 pm
» (No Subject)
Well this morning started off good, I finally managed to track down a wii fit on the toy's R us website that was in stock so I placed my order. It actually went through this time and the order status already confirmed that its in stock and ready to ship.

All last week Ive been trying to order one online through http://wiitracker.com/wiifit/ but every time I found one 'in stock' by the time I typed in all my information for the order, it was out of stock again and my order would get canceled once I submitted it. Highly annoying! This happened to me about 5 or 6 times, but today I managed to be fast enough.

So hopefully, next week when I get home from the hospital, Ill have a wii fit waiting there for me to enjoy.
Jul. 7th, 2008 @ 04:04 pm
» (No Subject)
tomorrow I go to the hospital again to start my 6th round of chemotherapy I should be back home by friday or saturday. Not looking forward to it though, I really hate the hospital food now and Im sick of the bad tv's and lack of things to do. Also the spinal taps are not fun at all. BUt I suppose its all for the best anyway.
Jul. 7th, 2008 @ 12:37 am
» (No Subject)
Okay, so at the risk of sounding like a total dork, Im going to say that Id like to have a get together for a night of watching anime movies (stuff from the 90's is preferable.) I guess I'm just on an a kick of my late teen years when I use to watch the stuff all the time. I was digging through my closet today and waaaay in the back I found a huge stack of VHS tapes of the animes I had collected during and right after high school. Watched one and thought it was a bit dumber than I remembered, but it was fun taking the trip down memory lane.

Perhaps this would be better suggested on one of the sites that has people more local to me. Just throwing it out there though.
Jul. 5th, 2008 @ 11:15 pm
» (No Subject)
Today I could have gotten a wii fit if only I had heard my phone ring. A friend of mine found 2 at a store and called me wanting to see if he should pick it up for me or if I had found one yet AND I DIDNT HEAR MY DAMN PHONE :( I guess at least I slept good, since typically any noise whatsoever wakes me up.
Jul. 1st, 2008 @ 01:17 am
» (No Subject)
Photobucket

I just picked up these for my new phone. I wanted to be able to use it as an mp3 player but the only jack it has for output is a special one that I could not locate an adapter for. Fortunately these badboys are bluetooth. What I didnt know is that they also have a mic in them so it works as a headset too. I also was not aware that they had volume, pause, forward/reverse, and phone answering buttons on them.

I saw them in the stores ranging from 100-150 bucks depending on the store (fuck radio shack) but online they were only 50 dollars. Im quite pleased.
Jun. 30th, 2008 @ 04:44 pm
» (No Subject)

why is it that crap like this gets up on the fan section of the warcraft site, but I actually give them some real artwork and they dont even so much as give me notice when they deny to post it.
Jun. 24th, 2008 @ 11:49 am
» (No Subject)
My chicago trip was quite a bit of fun for lack of any type of plan going there other than sushi station and sears tower. The 10 mile hike across downtown is finally catching up to my body though. My back and legs are doing a fair amount of complaining today but the morphine helps to dull the pain. Ill try to get some pics posted later. Also almost done with my pinup porn stars from mars tribute pic Ive been working on. as friendly as the company was that produced that film, Im curious if they will have any thanks toward the picture once I send them a copy.

life is interesting
Jun. 21st, 2008 @ 08:24 pm
» (No Subject)
Much to my surprise today, I found out that both my red cell and platelet counts were normal. Typically Im ready for my 2nd blood transfusion by now but that last round of chemo seems to have had no side effects on me. Of course today I had a 7 hour doctor visit that ended with me being given another dose of chemo both in my blood and spine. The blood dose was rather small, only took 10 minutes to receive, and the spinal injection is only painful so I dont really think those will make me sick either.

I was told I wouldnt be able to camp over the weekend when I was released from the hospital, but I really think I could have managed it if I had gone. I spent Saturday out at a lake for several hours and didnt get sick. Oh well, theres always next time. The weekend was fun anyway, saw The Hulk on friday.
Jun. 16th, 2008 @ 09:45 pm
» (No Subject)
I really enjoyed my time away from the hospital, It was good to finally have a couple of weeks not to think about it or be stuck here waiting for a ride... but today Im checked back in my tiny room waiting my treatments. The reality is sinking back in for me and really starting to get me down. Also the more I think about not having a donor, the more concerned I get that this is just going to come back down the road to haunt me again, or even worse, be my end. I sure would love a white russian right about now, but I cant even have anything like that for several weeks now.

Update: Seems they want to put me on anti depressants now. I am not surprised by this. Also looking like Ill be stuck here an extra day.
Jun. 5th, 2008 @ 12:14 pm
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